Not quite there actually.

Man what a day. Did more than usual, mostly to keep away from chris. Ahh marriage. We are almost to six months, and it both feels like five minutes and six million years. Its been a heckuva month or so. But we are ending the day happy, and a bit tipsy- and that is the important part right? Hell. I just don't know what to do, there doesn't seem to be any way to figure it out. I need a therapist. Or really I need a nanny to take care of us. I did manage to keep it cool today though, only a bit of crying and on really nasty thing said. I think I feel calm, strangely. It is so hard to tell if your emotions are different that before or not. Nothing like conducting experiments in your own head. Hormones don't stay in order.

I have a new down comforter to sleep under tonight and that makes it all better. And the dishes are done, and the bathroom and kitchen are passable, and the bills are paid. That feels good. Now just to finish the thank you notes and make the house presentable before my dad visits later in the week.

I think I am starting to get into this writing thing again. Doing it with no pressure is making it way easier. I just struggle with just writing what I think, but my typing has improved enough that I can keep up a bit.

My eating was all over the place, and I ate a lot now that I am feeling healthy again. Coffee and cheese tortellini for breakfast at 2pm, than mint tea later. Dinner was amazing and should earn me a thousand points- salad with lettuce I grew myself! Next was veggie chili and brown rice. Everything organic and the salad was local. It felt good. I did have my cranberry juice (trying to drink this everyday) So all was good. And then I had wine and some sort of brownie/pudding dessert. Oops. But I feel so relaxed now.